Intense and Grotesque

Two words that I came across a while back, I consider them stolen from a man's past. A past that no one knows about. A past that came to my attention two years ago.

When your heart is broken, you can't expect it go without pain. And you damn well better not expect the person that broke it to be hugged, nor welcomed with open arms. It's hard to look in on a situation when you are the one in it. The emotions don't always allow you to see that these painful experiences help shape the great person you will one day come. But with that comes sacrafice. You have to choose the right path, the one many call "less taken".

I am choosing, slowly, to take the less taken route. The one that leaves me alone, lonely for a while, but all for good reason. Simply because I don't want a two faced, over dramatic, filled with so much audacity... that he would have so little respect for a woman of my compassion to abuse it, to be in my life at all.

But if I choose the road, where I continue to be stomped on, and pushed in the dirt, called fucking stupid...I fear I will wake up one morning, and realize I sacraficed myself for someone who didn't ever really even love me, appreciate me, or sacrafice anything for me. That my lovelies, are what I want to teach people to stay away from.

I am done with listening to what they know I want to hear, I am done wasting my words on people like that.

But lovelies, believe me, I hate to sound cruel, cold hearted, but when the one thing you hold dearest to you is taken for granted, you will, and I will do anything to protect it from destruction.

STAB AT IT

and just in case you're wondering I got that new I'm a single girl swag

Cut my hair 'cuz it reminded me of you I know you like the long 'do, had to switch my attitude up

I'm so over it, I've been there and back Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering I got that new I'm a single girl swag Got me with my girls and we're singin' it...sing! na na na na, na na na nahey hey heygoodbyena na na na hey, na na na na hey,hey hey heygoodbyehey hey, hey hey heygoodbye

I just lovvvee this DeBarge song... took the words right out my mouth.

WE GOODIES EAT SUCKERS, NOT FAGGOTS

GET COOL QUICK.

Cold shoulder

I knew that this would come, my cycle. Not where I'm bleeding inbetween my legs, even though that is on the way, but the cycle in my heart. This cycle is the one I hate going through, but I should take it as a good sign. It means my little thumper is in its healing process. To update the world, I am currently in the bitter stage. My heart is cold, bitter, unforgiving, and ready to pounce on any wrong move. The trust is completely lost, and won't be regained for a while, until I have my time to make ammends in my head, and heart. It surely is a crazy cycle. Nothing like a simple tampon fixer upper. It's a long and tiring process, but it feels good, harder than the last heartbreak, but now that I am catching on to who I actually am and want to become, I am glad I am hitting another breaking point.

It just sucks for the man. He's going to have it hard, but if he sticks around he will have a great friend out of it in the end. But I will become that smart ass that is undateable, or in most occasions more dateable because I will have grown accustome to his prick ways, and react with cunning wit to his every move. The man will most likely do nothing but sit back and laugh.

I will have won, and he lost. But gained something a new at the same time. A girl-friend, not to be confused with the past: babe, baby, sweety, baby cakes, darling, honey, but the friend that you once dated, once hit, once missed out on, turned good friend who will tell you like it is and end up being one of your most loyal friends to ever come across. The one who will always leave you wondering" gosh darnit, what if I hadn't messed up with her?"...Yeah, you would of had it made, but by then my mind will be so far gone up the road, not even interested in the past, only to reflect and help teach others. Everything will be alright...and in honor of the oh so modest mice..we do all, float on. :)

I do, I would, I will, but only this.

So this ring has already been put on my blog, but now for a different reason.

This is what the man whoever wants to marry me should plan on getting.

LIKE FOR REAL.

guess what the good news is, I am so damn cheap, at least in accordance with the wedding ring world...

It is only 248 dollars!!!

anthropologie is the store boys, get to racing.

Uh oh..

Victoria does have a secret

paint the town red with me darling

Maybe it's just a bad habit, but I am the ultimate cheesy romantic. I like that bad boy turned good. I like the stubble around the lip, a guy who works hard for his money. Yeah, the pretty boys, who will take me on a genie ride. I may have high expectations, and half the world may be shaking their heads at my outrageous ideas, but I think everyone forgets the other thoughts, the ones I don't leave out. I don't want a perfect guy, I want a best friend, who loves to talk to me whenever and forever, who is goofy with me, and even when I am a complete bitch will tell me I'm beautiful til the day I die. But not only that, tell me when I am being a bitch straight up, and help me fix myself, cause I can't go it alone. Nor do I expect the lover of all lovers to do that.

Is it horrible, really horrible to actually be ready to fall in love, with that best friend I have always been searching for? To want to have that giddy feeling inside my belly, to feel my heart melt again? To be grumpy with them, to grow old with them, to laugh at people with them, to get lost with them, to travel, to go paintballing, to LIVE.

God bless the man who gets my heart, for he will be eternally loved, with no glance at another man, no worries in the world, cause my love is pure, good, and real, and ready to be shared.

This old soul, is going restless.

I want that guy best friend.

But in all honesty I think I already gave my whole heart away a couple of years ago.

Truth is

As I was looking through all the photographs from the past to the present a thought came about. There is no way that "by chance" we all came into being. When I was looking at the photographs, I saw memories, happiness, emotions, sadness. Nostalgic sensations hit my nerves. There is no way there is not a God, because such beautiful memories, people, places, could not have been created by chance. And you are an idiot if you think otherwise.